Control and Permissiveness (p 52-56)
I know that I have a go-getter personality. I like to get things done well and efficiently, and it has often come in handy during tight pinches to be able to take charge and make something happen. But it hasn't been until recent that I have begun to notice how my desire for control and pride in my work has become an idol and a downfall in my life. To be organized is a good thing, but when lack of "organization" or nit-picking for control clouds my ability to make decisions, anxiety enters the picture and it is not worshipful to God.
Self-sufficiency and wanting organization in my own way has become something that separates me from God. I try to cram the time puzzle pieces together in my daily planner, and I don't know if the fraying pages can handle anymore shoving. If I plan something, but it doesn't work out, I freak out, try to calm myself down, and make my own new plans instead of just handing the situation over to God. For such an intangible part of me, it has become an everyday idol that I battle find myself turning to instead of surrendering to the Lord.
But how do I turn this idol of control to God? I can't just make my natural tendency to resolve problems and work things out simply go away! Lately I have taken note of two things in relation to idols: follow God's commandments and statutes, and rest in the Lord.
In 1 Kings, God commands Solomon to not marry wives from other countries with various gods, so that he may remain wholly loyal to God, as David did. In not obeying God's commandment, surely Solomon fell away from God as God said. The laws given to us from God are not meant to be negative punishments, but are intended to protect us in our communion with God. Writing God's law on our hearts, remaining pure, and acting certain ways help us to remain close to God and not fall away from Him.
As far as rest, for one, I'm actively still working on it, but also this has meant that when something in my life is stressful, I try to immediately pray about it. By honestly praying, I truly believe that God is bigger than my largest problems and that he came handle any stressful part of my life. Once I started fully believing that, it has become easier for me to want to give God the first say in my life and to talk to him about a situation before I talk about it with anyone else. I can rest and have security in God's faithfulness, goodness, and love.
